We first met Bert in post 4, October
last year, lamenting parking charges and traffic lights. Bert, and
“Cars First!” co-religionist Lion Costume Man, have been elected
to the Town Council. Despite the Morpeth Herald straining every sinew
to get them there, Bert and Clarence polled fewer votes than the
brace of Green candidates standing in the same ward. That there exist
Greens in Morpeth will come as a shock to readers of the Herald,
which may want to re-calibrate it's editorial position more
accurately to reflect the concerns of the local populace. Actually,
that's just me being snotty: it won't want to.
Bert works, or used to work – he may
have retired recently – for FIAT as, if I remember it
correctly, Technical Product Adviser. When asked what a Technical
Product Adviser did he explained his role was helping people to an appreciation of
what's great about FIAT cars. Marketing, then. Or Sales. Bert is car
industry man.
So make a conversational overture with
Bert on the subject of child safety on our streets, and Bert will
likely enthuse about the integral child-seat anchor points and
passenger airbags in the new FIAT Medea.
Try to move him onto the general health
and well-being implications of diverse modes of personal transport
and Bert will reference the two stage ventilation filters and
hypo-allergenic bamboo fibre upholstery in the FIAT Herod.
Engage him on the subject of
anthropogenic climate change and he'll open with the industry leading
sensor controlled air-con and humidifier systems fitted as standard to ensure comfortable
climate stabilty at all times for occupants of
the FIAT Nero.
Quell a rising wave of
queasy despair long enough to seek Bert's opinion on the decline in
independent child mobility over the last forty years and Bert will
agree that it's shocking, which is why the FIAT Chronos has the
most generous rear-seat legroom in its class, such that the lankiest
of kids can wriggle a bit – within the necessary constraints of
their seat belts, naturally – on their short journeys to and from
school.
Bert doesn't get it. Will he ever get
it? Probably not, but you never know; there may be a Damascene moment
in the pipeline for him. He may be stationary on the St George's
roundabout one afternoon and, in a thunderclap of illumination, realise
that a carriageway radius the width of three cars on a single-lane town centre
mini-roundabout is an absurd mis-allocation of public space. He may be
making good speed up the Whorral Bank one day when the succession of
vehicles Prosting past him in the drag-strip lane jolt him into
questioning whether three lanes here are strictly necessary for cars,
whether the 'hammer it' lane might better be given over to creating a
cycle track to design standard, such that the narrow pavement
currently masquerading as a shared use cycling/pedestrian facility
might revert to being for the exclusive use of pedestrians. One
winter morning, nosing through town after fresh snowfall, speed
reduced and tracking carefully in the grooves carved by preceding
traffic, Bert - courtesy a frosty satori - may notice the broad skirts of pristine snow between the collective passenger side wheel rut and the pavement edge. Space that could,
were traffic always calmed by, say, an enforced 20mph limit in the
town, comfortably accommodate continuous and useful cycling
infrastructure.
But let's not hold our breath.
